In short
A meltdown is an involuntary response to feeling overwhelmed, which makes it different from a tantrum. In the moment, focus on safety, lower the sensory input, stay calm and give your child space and time. Afterwards, offer comfort and write down what happened so you can spot patterns. If meltdowns become more frequent or more intense, talk to your Clinical Supervisor.
- Safety first
- Lower the sensory input
- Stay calm, give space
- Write down what happened
What is a meltdown, and how is it different from a tantrum?
A meltdown is an intense response to becoming overwhelmed, where a child may have very limited control over their behaviour in the moment.
What people sometimes call a “tantrum” may look similar on the outside but may occur in response to wanting access to something, avoiding something difficult, or another immediate situation. The distinction is not always obvious, which is why it is more helpful to look at what happened before, signs of overwhelm, and what helped afterwards than to make assumptions about why a child behaved a certain way.
Meltdowns can look different for different people. Some common behaviours seen might be physical (hitting, kicking, throwing items, pacing, running away, also called eloping, or intense stimming), vocal (screaming, crying or vocal stimming), or even an apparent lack of behaviours, such as dissociating, zoning out or withdrawing socially. Recognizing the behaviours your child engages in during a meltdown versus an everyday tantrum can help you determine how best to support your child during these times.
What should I do in the first sixty seconds?
The very first thing to do when a meltdown occurs is a safety check.
Clear the area of objects that might cause injury to your child or to those around them, particularly if your child is prone to throwing things or self-injury during a meltdown.
If an environmental trigger, such as lights, sounds, or other sensory input, led to the meltdown, or is contributing to it in the moment, remove it from the immediate environment.
Take steps to keep yourself regulated – you can’t help regulate your child’s emotional state if your own isn’t regulated. Take deep breaths, focus on how you can help support your child’s de-escalation, and if someone else is available nearby who can help, call them in for support (for both yourself and your child).
What should I stop doing?
During a meltdown, focus on safety and helping your child regulate rather than trying to teach, correct or reason through the behaviour in the moment.
It may be appropriate to reduce demands, lower sensory input or offer comfort based on what helps your child. You do not need to withhold support because you are worried about “rewarding” distress.
Avoid giving instructions, trying to redirect their behaviour, or unnecessary talking that might contribute to sensory overload. Avoid getting in their space or touching them without their consent or permission, or unless physical contact has historically been effective for de-escalation. Everything that you do during this time should contribute to making the child feel calm and safe.
If meltdowns are happening frequently or seem to occur around particular demands, activities or outcomes, look at the broader pattern with your child’s clinical team. What happens before and after an episode can still be important in understanding how best to support your child.
How do I keep everyone safe?
Safety and well-being come first.
Clearing the environment of potential dangers is key to reducing the risk of harm to your child and others in that space. Ask anyone who is not helping to leave the area.
Offer verbal support in calm, gentle tones without excessively talking. Give your child physical space and time to begin to calm down, and avoid reprimands or unnecessary instructions. If they have preferred calming tools, like headphones, weighted blankets or comfort items, place them near your child for easy access. Only offer physical contact if your child shows that they want it.
Providing a calm, safe, supportive environment is critical to the de-escalation process.
What do I do once it’s over?
When your child has calmed down and seems more relaxed, focus on positive interactions and support for them.
Offering comfort via hugs, a drink of water, time alone, preferred activities, or other ways your child might find comfort can be beneficial in regulating their system after such an intense emotional experience.
How do I talk to siblings about it?
Finding accessible ways to explain behaviour that may seem frightening to young children is important.
Picture books and social stories that explain why meltdowns can happen and empathize with the person experiencing the meltdown can help young children understand what is happening. Using metaphors that explain sensory overload and big feelings is another way to help children understand and empathize with the experience.
Making a plan with siblings on what they can do to help during a meltdown can help both the siblings and you as the caregiver feel more in control and calm. Siblings could leave the room to play in their bedroom, tell another adult in the house that help is needed, or bring preferred sensory items for their sibling while keeping a safe distance.
The amount and type of help siblings may provide will depend on the behaviours happening in the moment, their age, and whether or not their involvement will help or hinder the de-escalation process.
What should I write down afterwards?
As soon as possible after your child has calmed, take some notes to help you for the future.
Reflecting on what happened can prepare you for similar events in the future, and may help identify recurring triggers or causes that you can reduce or eliminate for your child.
- What seemed to trigger the meltdown?
- Were there any behaviour changes that occurred before the meltdown that might have signalled it was coming?
- How long did it last?
- What helped, and what made it harder?
- How did you feel in the moment and after it was over?
If your child works with a Clinical Supervisor, share these notes with them.
Does this get better?
Meltdowns can become less frequent and less intense with the right support, although no one can promise they will stop completely.
The most helpful work happens between meltdowns.
Teaching skills in emotional regulation, self-awareness and self-advocacy helps children recognize what is happening in their bodies and find their most effective way to tell others what they need. Understanding triggers, effective de-escalation strategies and having your own self-awareness in these situations can also help mentally prepare you in future situations.
Print your Meltdown Notes
A notes sheet for writing down what happened once everyone is calm, plus a quick log with one row per meltdown for busy weeks.
When should I ask for help?
- If your child already receives ABA, talk to your Clinical Supervisor about the meltdowns you are seeing. They can look at what is happening and suggest strategies and support.
- If your child is not currently enrolled in behavioural services, an ABA provider can help your child build emotional regulation skills and coach you in strategies to use at home.
- If your child is engaging in new or more intense high-risk behaviours, Urgent Response Services (URS), part of the Ontario Autism Program, can provide short-term support with additional service workers whose goal is to reduce the risk of harm associated with the new or increasing high-risk behaviours.
- If, in the moment, you feel like you, your child, or someone in the environment is in immediate risk of harm or an injury has already occurred, call 911.
If you would like support with meltdowns at home, book a free 30-minute consultation with AlphaBee. We will talk through what is happening and the services that could help your child and family.